glee monologues santanaFebruary 2023
Santana to Mr. Schuester, Bad Reputation. ryan murphy gets all the credit for the good parts of glee but this one was all Naya (with help from Heather Morris, of course). #monologues Tons, just all up in there. Santana to Brittany and Sam, Blame It on the Alcohol. Lumps, let me just say out loud what everyone here is thinking. When Santana finally confesses her feelings to Brittany, right there in front of their lockers, and Brittany chooses Artie over her and Santana, her heart in her hands, where its never been before, exclaims, Hes just a stupid boy! I felt that. thats why it didnt work out, maybe it has nothing to do with me and He was rude, patronising, and racist. For me there is a before, and an after. Santana calling Rachel a 'selfish, self-centered, lame-ass wannabe diva from hell' in the prom rant is perhaps the most accurate statement from the entire show. Santana's entire monologue as she forms a dastardly scheme to get back Brittany. Carl: You all have a hole to fill and I'm just trying to help fill it. Santana: You did this to me! Doesn't my presidential campaign need continuity? My spouse and I have only gone to 1 event, Nik- this is the response that LW needed and I hope she sees it. Also, she thinks youre a spritely, green, mythological creature, but I know youre a potato-eating poser. Santana: Hey Andrew McCarthy, dont know if you heard but Blaine may lose an eye, the same Blaine who was just besties with you not four months ago. So endlessly grateful to Naya. I rarely get genuinely upset over celebrity deaths, but yours hit me hard queen. You are a beautiful person. Santana: Just because I hate everyone doesn't mean they have to hate me too. Tina: Pretty much. It's exhausting to look at you. I have love for you. Maybe he finally got freaked out about your strange obsession with old people that causes you to skulk around nursing homes I ordered shrimp! Whatever. Did he ever come home? (Girls are about to cut hair off for charity) Will: You can't do that. Because even when Glee was at its worst, Santana always seemed to be the voice of reason. You buy us dinner, we make out in front of you. Gay marriage had only recently become legalized in New York State, and DOMA had yet to be struck down nationwide. We can be the bitch. Your bizarre, psychosexual obsession with that Glee Club was disturbing from the first moment you stalked a nude student in the showers. You know what? The details of my journey were pretty different from Santanas, but the feelings were the same. I just want you. Kurt: Trying to keep the flames from shooting out of the side of my face." WhyWhy am I even taking advice from you, okay. So youre gonna grant me a wish, Thats right, double-stuffed, fatty, gassy, mcgravy pants, we are just one big happy, happy family, I did not just leave one diva-driven glee club to join another, so let me write you a reality check, Richie Bitch. Now that we're alone, I want to talk to you about what I found in your bathroom trashcan underneath the wadded up tissue paper, the used cotton swabs, and the soiled acne wipes. Sebastian: She questioned my honor. I have awesome gay-dar. It changed my life as it unfolded. Santana about Rachel, when Rachel wins the MVP Glee Club Award, Original Song. You're one to talk, how's about you crack a Four Loko Count Boozy Von Drunk-a-Ton. Okay, maybe Brittany and I are too young to get married. Brittany: Wait are you mad? No one gives a damn about you. Rachel: For the hundredth time, okay, if you keep making fun of Brody- Oh God, say something irritating so I can get the taste of this out of my head, please. mouth like cats ass. Artie: We assumed it was you. I'm like a lizard. Watch 10 of Naya Rivera's best performances as Santana Lopez on Fox's 'Glee.' . Wrong-Flower He literally just said that. Youve got a crush on my girl, Brittany. Santana and Carl, The Rocky Horror Glee Show. [puts a napkin over her and Brittany's hands]. She seems to be condoning this in the face of all logic. Alright, you know what Rachel? I understand. I have hated you ever since the day I met you. It's okay. I didnt end up going because fuck that guy and I knew my own life and what was important to me. Will: [stands up] Santana. Santana: Okay, hold up. Maybe that has something to do with it. Okay, wait hold up! Santana: Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. "WHAT?! You told everyone I played for another team on your ridiculous melted cheese show! And two, they grant wishes. [points at Rachel] Finn: I said I thought you were great. - Studocu Here is an example monologue one can utilize in Dr. Ganisin's class when presenting their solo performance glee written ryan murphy santana: maybe brittany and DismissTry Ask an Expert Ask an Expert Sign inRegister Sign inRegister Home Why is everyone staring at me like Im Finn and I just won a butter-eating competition? From Season 6 Episode 3 "Jagged Little Tapestry", aired January 16th, 2015 Its the dress that sells the song before Santana even opens her mouth. Just the bonkers way Santana runs leaps through that field like a gazelle, and then that Olympic twirly ribbon in the woods(????). Santana: And you know what, Brit? TINA: Sorry, Santana. Why are we playing this game? The Autostraddle TV Team is made up of Riese Bernard, Carmen Phillips, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Valerie Anne, Natalie, Drew Burnett Gregory, Shelli Nicole, Nic, A. Tony Jerome, and Heather Hogan. Santana shatters your heart to pieces here. Who gives a crap what all the other peasants think? This is embarrassing. I mean my girlfriend girlfriend. Oh please. Please keep going after the show is over. Puck: I'm Finn Hudson, I'm quarterback of the football team. We both know blondes are born with magical power, like doing the splits or turning swedish. Santana to Gunther, Tina in the Sky with Diamonds. Santana: (To Finn) Hey Orca! Rant to Rachel and Kurt after they kick her out, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Maybe I need someone who knows more than three dance moves:' the finger wag, the shoulder shimmy, and the one where you pretend to twirl to invisible rainbow-colored ribbons attached to your hips, so you know what, maybe that's why it didn't work out, maybe it has nothing to do with me and Brittany, maybe it's just that you are utterly, utterly, intolerable. Santana to Quinn after finding out Quinn's dating her professor., Thanksgiving. Rory: Whoa. Santana: Why would I do that? Thank you Naya. And you know what? Maybe two seasons, if that. Santana, Kurt, and Rachel, Guilty Pleasures. Rachel: Okay, wait. How did that marriage work out for you. Panic! Santana: You're addicted to vests. That show was messy, but as a baby gay, Santana was everythingggg. Santana: While you were playing house, Puck was sexting me. And so we decided to grieve her passing the only way we really know how: by watching and writing about television. This is garbage. I don't want to hear any of this "We can't do it without her," because guess what? Finn for some reason decides that its Lady Music week as if having a bunch of men ruin songs by women is an apology for outing a lesbian. Her vocals in that song was *chefs kiss* and its just so hilarious. Heres Naya Rivera, this Black Puerto Rican actress who fought so hard against the producers for Santanas coming out in the first place. I'm sick of being backup to Rachel Berry. He didnt remember her favorite ice cream order or her little sisters name. Well, Id like to think that we now carry your heart in our hearts, Naya. The way shes afraid to look up off the floor and into the choir room. Santana: As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony, or Tribeca. Quinn: And we're here to apologize to Quinn for slapping her across the face very very hard. Santana, Quinn and Brittany, The Purple Piano Project. You know, with all of the horrible crap I've been through in my life, now I get to add that. So in Season 2, when I heard those opening. So get up in my grill, 'cause Brits and I wants to get our anesthesia on. Santana: Maybe if you made me some space, I'd care a little bit more. obsession with old people that causes you to skulk around nursing homes I am so over this, and it hasn't even started yet. That's like vocal masturbation. Maybe thats why we love each other so much. Olsen Twins, let me tell you something. You're not fat. We saw that throughout Kurt and Santanas extended coming outs and we couldve seen it more if Santana was given space to date and be her own character in the backhalf of the show. I've been keeping a notebook just in case this day ever came: Welcome back Lisa Rinna, I've missed you so much since your family packed their bags, loaded them in your mouth and skipped town. Thank you Naya. Santana was harsh and mean and strong because she felt like she had to be. Brittany: God, I'm so sad. Santana: You can drill me any time. Rory: Hey, listen here. But theres a deeper level too: Santana singing and dancing like a person whos just been told something terrible is about to happen but shes not sure what that something will be and for now the show must go on. all, thats why it didnt work out with you and Blaine, right? See I dont go here anymore, sue, and that means I can finally tell you exactly what I think of you. Love to you, your family, your friends, and your sweet boy. I need something warm beneath me or else I can't digest my food. #filmacting Hi DM! Maybe Blaine didn't wanna be with someone who looks like they just removed their top row of dentures every time they smile, or someone who doesn't dress like an extra out of one of Andy Dick's more elaborate wet dreams. You are the unicorn. We joined Cheerios together, we joined Glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. I've had mono so many times it turned into stereo. Santana: And where are the Hardy Boys? I wants on them froggy lips, and I wants on them now. I dont have anything smart to say. Amber Riley and Naya Riveras voices together are raw power. No actor gave me that kind of depth and emotion on screen before. Santana was first introduced in the Glee pilot as one of the popular cheerleaders, alongside Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron) and Brittany Pierce (Heather Morris)and soon her character grew more . (Will asks about Christmas tree) Will: And the ornaments? Then Mercedes looks at Santana from the corner of her eye, as if to say Girl can you do this? And Santana gives the smallest nod before the microphone picks up a sigh. Enby is a Black/Trans owned company run by 3 enby's that believes that all bodies deserve affirmation and pleasure. Feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. Though I don't know whose toxic vagina would need that much of that stuff, I mean if you're producing that much yeast you should probably start a bakery. Rachel: You had no right. Within the Glee canon, Dont Rain on My Parade is iconically Rachel Berrys and I dont think it takes anything away from Lea Michele or her star character to say the truth she was designed, from the first line of the pilot episode, to be the sun around which Glee revolved and as Santana Lopez, Naya Rivera was expected to be a featured extra some hot bitch to snide behind Quinn Fabray. Quinn: Flawless. Did Naya adlib? Santana: He has no game. While theres nothing Id love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think wed get further staging a gel-ervention for Blaine than singing lady music, Santana to Kurt and Blaine, I Kissed a Girl, I love girls the way that Im supposed to feel about boys. This was so beautiful that Im at a loss for words. Its so hard to talk about Glee without talking about the rapidly changing world for gay rights that was also happening around it. Santana: Yup, sure did. Twitter update! Santana: I hate weddings and I Valentine's Day. Grouper mouth, froggy lips. No one gets it. No me gusta! I know what cheating looks like, I do it all the time. Kurt: She can't find out until after her Funny Girl audition, alright? I like how you guys pretend to be all accepting about everything but when your friend suddenly shows up in your home, moves in and goes through all your stuff you're offended. Soy de Lima Heights Adjacent y yo tengo orgullo! Santana: Lets just keep this on point. Santana and Brittany, The Purple Piano Project. We had Glee watching parties in my dorm, and I would stay up late replaying Brittana scenes from YouTube hoping my roommate wouldnt notice. I was coming out around the same time she was, I was falling in love and having my heart broken right around then, too. Maybe Blaine woke up one day and said, 'You know what, I don't wanna marry a sexless self-centered baton-twirler. You know, and the only thing that can keep you from freezing to death is to have good friends around you to keep you warm. Maybe that's why we love each other so much and slap each other. But nothing is as eternally hilarious to me maybe on TV ever as Santanas Yeast-I-Stat commercial. Have fun riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of your life, although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time if I were him, because if I were her, I'd stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights. You know the one. For the Latinx community specifically, Santana was one of the only on-screen depictions of a queer Afro-Latina. I meant, it's a Win-Win for me. Cookie Notice Santana to Mr. Schuester and Emma, Showmance. thanks Shelli!! Sebastian: Red dye number 6. Im officially over it. Showtime "The monologue when she tells Monica why she can't take Liam away is so amazing. Thank you, guys. I had such a crush on her, and the way she spoke made me feel okay about having a fun, silly crush like the ones my friends had on male celebrities. Kurt: To get back at Puck, aren't you guys dating? The small breath-hold moment of hope, and her heart shattering before our very eyes. Kitty: What? It's more of my speed. And by that, I dont mean my friend whos a girl. Santana: Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like Rachel Berry to actually work? Not only am I giving you full visitation rights to the set of rambunctious twins that live on my rib cage, you get the chance to show that pastry bag Finn that he cant mess with Sam Evans. (bumps into him) Finn: Hey Santana! I've waited 5 years for this. You can buy one at the Party Store. Instead these two are going to go move to New York City or . She looks to Brittany, she remembers their dreams that came true and then the rumors have it that ruined them all. No! Santana: Because you're a crazy evil bitch! Santana to Mr. Schuester (about Quinn), Audition, Well, congratulations. And not just because you can unlock your humongous jaw and swallow him whole like a python. And just when you thought it couldn't get any gayerit does. The fierce, confident, swaggering Santana having this quiet moment where her voice is actually quivering a little was so impactful. Santana to Kurt and Rachel, Girls (and Boys) on Film. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. (Quinn slams Santana . Oh, and I think those absorbent sweater vests . Ive seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, sway, and sing very, very quietly, Speaking from experience, Finn is terrible in bed. Her wrath of words is called Snix Juice. Like damn, I am so gay but those two dancing does something to me. Rachel: I don't know what you're talking about. You wanna play with me, Kurt? Santana: You know..I blame Sam for all this..and Rachel too, I blame her. Im gonna be an outsider my whole life. I mean, after Yay. Usual estimated time is between three to eight minutes. like a lot of you guys, Ive been thinking so much about Naya & Santana and what they both meant to me all week, and then earlier tonight I think I realized something. NOTE: The following is a transcription of the extended director's cut from the S1 DVD, which includes several scenes not seen in the original aired version. I just think its really sweet and romantic and Naya is so vulnerable and pretty and her voice is so lovely. Santana leaves it all at Brittanys feet in that choir room, and so did Naya. Santana: I'm 25. I will never understand why these things happen. We're like besties for life. I just had to say that honestly, in complete transparency, its actually just mostly stressful when this happens, If its any consolation, High Art would also be on my personal top 50. Thank you, Finn, especially. Rachel: Don't get too comfortable, okay? I taped it to my under-boob, If Kurt wouldve taped this to his junk, I never wouldve heard the end of it. Brittany: Well, I told you last year that if I was single and you were single, we would mingle. I think that dwarf girlfriend of his is dragging down his rep. When my mother asked what the sound was, I said I was practicing bird calls. One of my favourites is the group phone call in Season 1 where Santana says Sex is not dating and Brittany says If it was, Santana and I would be dating The fear in Nayas eyes it was those kind of small choices and background acting that led people to ship Brittana, and for Santana to become more than the bitchy cheerleader. Everything about you screams virgin. Copyright 2009 - 2023 The Excitant Group, LLC. As we did, of course, we shared with each other over and over how her portrayal of Santana Lopez also changed our worlds. Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like Rachel Berry Guilty.. Exactly what I think of you ever as Santanas Yeast-I-Stat commercial show was messy but., she thinks youre a potato-eating poser that I 'm afraid of dealing with because! Be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not be cast backup to and. 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